


A new kind of teacher's pet

by HighpriestessLucency



Category: Original Work
Genre: AU, Angst, Cute, Fluff, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 11:50:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17766260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HighpriestessLucency/pseuds/HighpriestessLucency
Summary: Federyc (16) starts his third year of high school in Italy knowing no one. None of his classmates, none of his teachers. His history teacher however interested him. This new teacher might just save him from his creeping depression. (Based off an au from my oc)





	1. An introduction

Hi and welcome to my story. Before we start, there's some vital information you should know!

The story is based in Milan, Italy. Which means we follow the Italian school rules. Federyc is 16, which means he is in the third year of high school, also known as Scuola Secundaria. He is in a language high school, which means he has more language hours than normal. I have made a schedule for him and grades from the past 2 years. With the schedule you can have a bit of an image how each days go. It is very usual for Italian schools to have school on Saturday as well.

Monday:  
Religione 8.30 - 9.30  
Italiano 9.30 - 10.30  
Pausa 10.30 - 10.45  
Storia dell’arte 10.45 - 11.45  
Inglese 11.45 - 12.45  
Pausa 12.45 - 13.00  
Latino 13.00 - 14.00  
Matematic 14.00 - 15.00

Tuesday:  
Tedesco 8.30 - 9.30  
Storia 9.30 - 10.30  
Pausa 10.30 - 10.45  
Italiano 10.45 - 11.45  
Filosofia 11.45 - 12.45  
Pausa 12.45 - 13.00  
Francese 13.00 - 14.00  
Scienza 14.00 - 15.00

Wednesday:  
Francese 8.30 - 9.30  
Inglese 9.30 - 10.30  
Pausa 10.30 - 10.45  
Ginnastica 10.45 - 11.45  
Ginnastica 11.45 - 12.45  
Pausa 12.45 - 13.00  
Latino 13.00 - 14.00  
Scienza 14.00 - 15.00

Thursday:  
Francese 8.30 - 9.30  
Storia 9.30 - 10.30  
Pausa 10.30 - 10.45  
Matematic 10.45 - 11.45  
Matematic 11.45 - 12.45  
Pausa 12.45 - 13.00  
Tedesco 13.00 - 14.00  
Scienza 14.00 - 15.00

Friday:  
Inglese 8.30 - 9.30  
Francese 9.30 - 10.30  
Pausa 10.30 - 10.45  
Latino 10.45 - 11.45  
Storia 11.45 - 12.45  
Pausa 12.45 - 13.00  
Italiano 13.00 - 14.00  
Scienza 14.00 - 15.00

Saturday:  
Francese 8.30 - 9.30  
Tedesco 9.30 - 10.30  
Pausa 10.30 - 10.45  
Storia dell’arte 10.45 - 11.45  
Italiano 11.45 - 12.45  
Pausa 12.45 - 13.00  
Filosofia 13.00 - 14.00

These are the subjects translated:  
Ginnastica = Sports Latino = Latin  
Religione = Religion Storia dell’arte = Art history  
Italiano = Italian Storia = History  
Tedesco = German Filosofia = Philosophy  
Inglese = English Matematic = Math  
Francese = French Scienza = Science

Grades year 1 and year 2:  
Ginnastica 8 (A) | 8 (A)  
Religione 6 (C) | 7 (B)  
Italiano 6 (C) | 6 (C)  
Tedesco 7 (B) | 8 (A)  
Inglese 8 (A) | 9 (A+)  
Latino 6 (C) | 6 (C)  
Storia dell’arte 7 (B) | 7 (B)  
Storia 6 (C) | 7 (B)  
Filosofia 7 (B) | 6 (C)  
Matematic 10 (A+) | 10 (A+)  
Scienza della terra 9 (A+) |  
Biologia |9 (A+)

A little more information before the story starts: Federyc is born in France and moved to Italy when he was 5. He speaks French at his mother's home and Italian at his father's home.

Enjoy reading after this shitload of information!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opening chapter. Part 1, school

A horrible timetable mixed with a horrible feeling and no friends to return to. It already started in the morning. Even though his mother made an excellent ‘first day of school’ breakfast, it was not enjoyable. He had a nightmare, woke up exhausted and after getting his timetable, his temporary depression only grew. No free periods. Lots of lessons. New teachers he had never even seen before and even a whole new subject! On his way to school he reminded himself that all his friends had transferred to another school and that he was alone this year. Of course, finding friends was easy. But he needed to act again. Pretend he was social and had a life. That never went well.

                French, his new subject, was the first hour. That would at least go well. He had 20 people in his class. First thing to do, introduce yourself in French. Easy! Born in France and talking French at home certainly gave him an advantage. “ _Salut. Je m’appelle Federyc. J’ai 16 ans._ ” Federyc said. In perfect French. The teacher, which was a woman, seemed impressed. Since it was only the first day, it was not a real lesson. It was more of a little game to get to know new classmates and get to know the teacher. Federyc could happily tell anyone that he was a native French, being born in Toulouse. His dad taught him Italian while his mother kept teaching him French. Federyc was all smiles and laughter in French class. It was truly enjoyable. As soon as he left the French classroom his entire depressive attitude came back. English. Oh, how he hated English. He could’ve gone for another language. Greek, Dutch, Arabic, Chinese. English seemed the easier option this year as well. He was good in English, really. But he just disliked it. He had visited England a few times with his dad and the English barely used all the strict grammar rules they were taught! But Federyc mindlessly followed to grammar, learned and scored the highest mark without even trying. Here as well was an introduction round. By now he knew it already. And no one in his class seemed interesting. Everyone knew each other. Would that keep Federyc down? No. Federyc didn’t have time in the small 15-minute food break to talk to anyone, but he would use the two hours of sports that came after it.

                Never mind. Sports wasn’t it either. Federyc was way too athletic and way too enthusiastic over sports. He just seemed to bother everyone with his excitement. Adjust. No more excitement during sports. Just enough to keep getting his good grades. During the small lunch break, Federyc forced himself to stand with a few kids. They just walked away. Federyc gave a frustrated sigh and spend his lunch time alone. Maybe he could find some friends in the higher year! That was optimistic speaking of course. Maybe he had to act more... Naughty. Get too late, curse, defy the dress code. Federyc quickly failed the first step, as he was in the Latin classroom 5 minutes early. Finally, a teacher he knew. A man, old but kind. He knew Federyc’s struggle with the language and had always acted as his Latin tutor. “Welcome back Federyc.” The old man sat next to Federyc. Federyc sighed and forced a smile. “Hello, sir Moretti.” He muttered. The teacher shook his head a little and patted Federyc’s back. The teacher seemed to understand Federyc’s depressive mood and left him alone for now. Federyc played with the introduction game. The old teacher did have everyone take notes for a few vital Latin mistakes teenagers made. Federyc wrote them down, drawing small circles around the notes. Stupid Latin, stupid language and more of all, stupid class. They were all talking so loudly. Federyc jumped up. Time to ruin his reputation on the first day. “Can you all shut up for one second?!” Federyc screamed. He sat down again. Silence, finally silence. After a minute the silence was broken again by soft whispers. Federyc gave an annoyed sigh. The teacher told them to be silent for Federyc. After Latin came a new subject. Science. He had never done it before. After the introduction game, they got a sneak peek into the book they would be using. It instantly made Federyc happy. There were a few formulas and basic things that never changed. That was good. Federyc was good in those kinds of subjects. First day of school ended, and he had already made the whole class his enemy.

 

                “Eat your breakfast, _mon chéri_.” Amée, Federyc’s mother, was rushing around to make Federyc’s food for the day ready. Federyc ate his breakfast but planned to throw it up later. It just tasted like cardboard. And that didn’t taste nice. “Oh, sweetie what’s wrong?” Federyc’s mother ruffled Federyc’s hair, putting his bag in the hallway and looking at the clock. “Nothing.” Federyc muttered as he quickly got up and into his summer coat. It was still warm enough for that. Federyc arrived 20 minutes too early, but was let into class already. He claimed a spot in the back of the class, reading a French book. Fine, if he couldn’t make friends in class, he wouldn’t pretend to be a guy having a life. He had a life. It consisted of travelling between his fighting parents, drowning himself in books and studying for school. According to most people in school, however, that wasn’t a life. That was boring and nerdy. What was Federyc supposed to do? Go out, get drunk, smoke, get high? On the age of 16? No, he wasn’t like that, and would probably never be. When the school bell rang, Federyc paid attention. Real lessons were starting again. They had a small test, not for a grade but just to see how much skill you had. There were three skill levels, and three rows of tables. Federyc was the first one done and, after having it checked, was deemed the head of the highest skill level. The highest skill level got the book from the higher year and got more difficult tests. Federyc was at the highest skill level with one other girl who refused to speak to him, and was just reaching out to a girl on the other side of the classroom. It bothered Federyc greatly, but he kept silent. He couldn’t be bothered paying attention in these French lessons. History. Maybe his most difficult subject next to Latin and Italian. A new young male teacher. But this teacher made him sit up straight and pay attention. And it was the only teacher he wrote the name down. Luca Bonaccorso. Bonaccorso... Bonaccorso. Federyc liked it. The way Bonaccorso acted was... Nice. He was young, close to the age of everyone in this class. Which meant that he didn’t have to do much to attract to the students. Federyc didn’t even mind it when they jumped right in. Right at the start, prehistory. Federyc was taking small notes in a notebook. He slowly looked up as he saw a figure in front of him. The teacher. Did he do something wrong? “What’s your name?” He kindly asked. “Federyc, sir.” He nearly whispered. Bonaccorso smiled and turned to the class. “I don’t mean to be strict in the first lesson, but please, follow Federyc’s example and write down notes. When I was your age and studying history, I made countless notes. And look where it got me. In front of a class teaching. Now, not all of you want to become a history teacher, but you all want to pass the year with a good history mark, right? Not everything I tell you will be in the book, so please make notes.” The teacher went to the board again. Federyc stared at the teacher. He definitely liked this teacher. The way he talked, the way he acted. History might just become enjoyable.

                Federyc gently closed the door, kicking his shoes off and throwing his coat on the ground. He took an apple and ran upstairs. He dropped on his mother’s bed and cuddled up in the blankets, grabbing the remote and zapping through the channels on the television. No homework yet, it was only the first week. It meant that Federyc could relax after school. History and math were definitely the top subjects of today. Checking the timetable for Friday, Federyc nearly choked on his apple. Four languages on one day. Friday was the most horrible day. The only good subjects were history and science. Federyc grabbed his history book and read over the first chapter. He wanted to prepare for the next lesson. This new teacher, Luca Bonaccorso. He just made Federyc excited for history. He couldn’t promise good grades, as he never learned how to study history properly. He summarised the entire chapter, throwing the book to the side and shaking his hand. Federyc watched tv until he heard the door open downstairs. He rushed downstairs and greeted his mother, helping her take in the groceries. “My, you seem happy _mon chéri_.” Amée said with an exhausted voice. Federyc nodded and helped his mother with making dinner. “Yeah! I had history and math.” He explained, cutting the onions and wiping forming tears away. His mother laughed softly. “You and history? Doubt it.” She teased. Federyc gave an offended gasp. “It’s true! This new teacher, Luca Bonaccorso, is really nice and I like him already.” Federyc told Amée, putting the onions in a warmed-up pan. “What does he do?” Amée asked, interested. “Well... He forced my classmates to make notes because I was making notes. He is totally on my side.” Federyc told his mother, helping her cut some tomatoes and putting it in a bowl. He boiled water and weighted the pasta. Federyc kept talking about math throughout dinner. “It’s more... Uhm, story like questions. It throws me off. There is useless information and I don’t know what to use.” He told Amée. Together, the two were math miracles. “Ah, the most stupid math. Stories. I’ll help you with it, but that isn’t my strong point either. And _mon chéri_ , please don’t talk with your mouth full.” Amée told Federyc in a motherly voice. Federyc stuck his food covered tongue out, laughing loudly at his mother’s disgusted face.

 

Federyc blocked out the first three lessons completely. They didn’t happen. English, French and Latin. Federyc had shut off his brain and just continued on auto-pilot during those lessons. He only woke up during history again as soon as he saw Luca walk in. “ _Bonjour_.” Federyc told his new teacher happily, sitting at the front row again. The young man looked up. “Hello.” He said before scribbling more down a piece of paper. Federyc stared at his teacher, wondering what he was doing. “Say, Federyc, are you French?” Bonaccorso asked without lifting his head up. Federyc gave a nervous little laugh. “Uh, yeah. Me and my mother speak French at home.” He told his teacher. “My mother and I.” Bonaccorso corrected with a playful smile. Federyc blinked and rolled his eyes. Once everyone was seated, Bonaccorso started his lesson. Federyc paid full attention to Luca’s words. As if Italian just got easy. Normally history lessons seemed to take years to finish. Now it went too quick. He wanted to hear Luca, no sir Bonaccorso, more. He went on auto-pilot again during Italian. He sat in the front and no one asked him a question. He was half awake, half on auto-pilot through science. A weird subject, but one he could like. The teacher wasn’t bad either. One more day to go and he could make a list of teachers and which one he liked and didn’t like.

On his way home, it started raining and thundering, forcing Federyc to hide at a bus stop until it was over. After an hour the weather finally cleared up. He got home, still a little drenched from the rain. His mother instantly threw him a towel. Federyc dried his hair and dashed upstairs, coming down in comfortable pyjamas. “Dinner is already ready. You took a while.” She commented. Federyc sighed deeply and explained her how the rain forced him to hide and made him unable to go home for a good bit. Amée nodded and just by seeing the exhaustion on Federyc’s face, she decided not to ask how school went.

 

The whole of Saturday was a blur. He was constantly on auto-pilot until he went to sleep again. It seemed like Saturday didn’t happen at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salut. Je m’appelle Federyc. J’ai 16 ans - Hi. I'm Federyc. I'm 16 years old.  
> Mon chéri - My dearest


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1, school

Father, father, father… A fun one-week trip to one’s father should be enjoyable. Shouldn’t it. Oh it would be, if Federyc didn’t come home to an empty house. After his mother drove away, Federyc grabbed the spare key from under the doormat and walked away. “Damn alcoholics.” Federyc muttered under his breath. He brought his bags upstairs, cleaned the house of all beer cans and vodka bottles and sighed. He was alone... All alone. What to do, what to do. He could watch tv, finally eat something after three days or lock himself upstairs until he heard the door open and hear his name from downstairs. Federyc went with the last thing, sitting on his bed and opening his history book. What did Bonaccorso say again? Oh yeah, read up on chapter 2.3. He’d do that. After reading through history and starting on math, the door was opened downstairs. Federyc gave a frustrated sigh and rushed downstairs. “Federyc! You’re here alreaaddyy here? If I had knoowwnn.” The man started in a slurred voice. Federyc held his hand up, stopping his father from talking. “Please. Spare the talking. Go lay on the couch or something. I’ll prepare dinner.” Federyc said, walking over to the kitchen. From being doted on to being a houseman making dinner for his father. Homework would be difficult as well. His father constantly going out and getting drunk and only getting home at night to expect Federyc to make dinner. “So, dad, how else do you get your food when I am not here?” Federyc asked. After getting no response, he checked the living room and found his father passed out on the couch. Federyc cursed.

                Monday, the start of this depressing week. Depression really caught up to him. Federyc had come late, getting a note and a bad relationship with the religion teacher already. He wasn’t even religious. Italian was even worse. Federyc felt like he would cry. Not only did he get the simplest questions wrong, he got screamed at by the teacher and after talking back, got put out of class and on the hallway. Federyc looked at his timetable. No history. He needed Bonaccorso’s voice to calm him down. Why? He didn’t know. He felt like that.

 

Tuesday. German was boring. The only thing that kept Federyc going was knowing he’d have history after it. Upon entering the history classroom, he saw no one else was there yet. Only the teacher. Federyc stared at Bonaccorso for a bit before taking place at the far back, putting his head on the desk. “Hey, what’s the matter? Where’s the happy ‘getting ready for class’ Federyc?” A voice sounded. Federyc refused to look up, keeping his head down. “Federyc? When’s your last class?” The voice again. Federyc held up 6 fingers. “After the sixth hour? Do you maybe want to come by to talk for a moment?” The voice said. Federyc gave a shrug. Talking with a history teacher after school? Everything better than going home preparing dinner. He didn’t write notes. Came late at all the other lessons and finally dragged himself in Bonaccorso’s classroom. Federyc sat down and sighed. Bonaccorso stared him for a good few minutes. “Federyc... I’ve only been your teacher for about a week now, but I’m a bit worried. You don’t need to talk right now. But I wonder if you’d like to... Take a few days in the week to have a little talk hour with me. You just seem sad. I don’t want my students to feel sad. What do you think?” Bonaccorso asked. Federyc gave a sigh and nodded. “Fine... I’ll just come whenever I want to talk.” He said. Shaking his head, Bonaccorso laughed softly. “No, not when you want it. That’s not what I mean. Every day after your lessons, you come to me. Do we have a deal?” Bonaccorso asked. Federyc groaned and nodded. “Fine, fine. Tomorrow again.” Federyc muttered, getting up and walking away. He would get late.

                Federyc opened the door and gave a scream when he saw his father right in front of him. No drunken smell. “Dad… Hi. Uhm, I’m sorry for being late. A teacher wanted to talk to me.” He whispered. Federyc’s father grabbed Federyc by the ear, twisting it and dragging him to the living room. He pushed Federyc on the couch. Federyc didn’t even get the chance to talk before he got a slap across the face. He did not sign up for this. “Dad I... I’ll just go upstairs.” Federyc muttered, grabbing his bag and running upstairs. No, he wasn’t ready for this at all. A talk with Bonaccorso every day seemed very attractive right now.

 

Wednesday. Probably one of the worse days. He never thought he’d been waiting for the day he’d rush into Bonaccorso’s classroom for a talk. He sat down and gave a frustrated sigh. “My, Federyc, you do not seem happy today either.” Bonaccorso duly noted. Federyc rolled his eyes. “What gave it away?” He asked in a sarcastic voice. “Oh I don’t know, maybe your slumping shoulders in the hallways, teachers in the teacher’s room talking about how you’re spacing out and not talking nor writing notes. I wonder, Federyc, what happened in just a few days to get you feeling like this? Is it your mother?” Bonaccorso sat down at his desk, staring at Federyc. Federyc shook his head. “Not with my mother... I’m at my dad’s place this week. They’re divorced.” Federyc muttered. Bonaccorso gave a nod. “Divorced parents? No wonder you’re like that. Let me guess. Your father is a horrible one and you love your mother.” He said. Federyc gave a hum. “My father drinks. He’s an alcoholic. My mother hates him with a passion, so do I. But my mother doesn’t have full custody over me so until I am 18, I can’t have a thing to say! Which is frustrating. I can’t learn at my dad’s house! He comes home late, he forces me to make dinner. I can’t read up on history or math and... I’ve just started to enjoy the lessons and besides that, my classmates hate me.” Federyc stopped talking. Why was he pouring his heart out to a teacher he had known for, let’s say, a few days? Bonaccorso smiled sweetly. “I know, Federyc. I know how it feels. I’m free to talk whenever you want.” He said. Federyc gave a little smile. “Thank you, sir.” He muttered, but not getting up just yet. “Federyc?” He asked, slowly standing up. Federyc shook his head, quickly walking to the door. He wouldn’t tell Bonaccorso yet. But he didn’t want to go home. For once, Federyc prayed that his father was out getting drunk. To not risk anything, Federyc climbed up the window. He rushed his homework and before his father could get into his room, Federyc pretended to be asleep.

                Keeping up a happy attitude, he went through French lesson answering questions and pretending to write down notes. At history, Federyc gave his new psychiatrist teacher a wave before sitting down in the front and actively keeping up with notes and even answering some question, even if most of them were wrong. But he learned from mistakes. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Federyc skipped into Bonaccorso’s classroom. He sat down and enjoyed the bit of silent they had again. The silence where Federyc just stared at his teacher while the teacher finished writing some things down. “I’ve been acting today.” Federyc broke the silence. “Acting?” Bonaccorso asked, a little confused. “Yeah. Acting. Pretending. I’m pretending to be happy and pretending to write down notes so teachers nor classmates will talk behind my back. That’s not... Bad, is it?” Federyc asked softly. Bonaccorso gave a facepalm. “No no no no, Federyc, don’t act! That’s where it all goes downhill because you wouldn’t know when you’re acting or when you’re being... You. Do not act, Federyc. It’s okay to look a little down, and I can tell the teachers what’s going on.” Bonaccorso said, standing up and putting a chair in front of Federyc’s desk. “Did you study for this, sir?” Federyc asked, changing the subject. “Well... Not directly. I’ve been in therapy myself for let’s say... 5 years?  I know a little.”  The teacher said with a comforting smile. “Oh. What... Uhm... What did you have?” Federyc asked. Bonaccorso shook his head. “Not about me, Federyc. About you and your problems.” He said. “I don’t have problems. I think. I just have a difficult... Home... Situation? Which affects my studying, and which affects my moods and I really, really don’t have problems, sir.” Federyc rambled on, changing to French midway his sentence.  Bonaccorso shook his head. “I am not blind, Federyc. I’m gonna give you a task. Write a little diary and I want to have that by Saturday please. Just write down whatever you feel after something bad happened. Do it for me. And now I don’t wanna see you all week. Just in lessons. No pretending. None of it. Write all you feel in a notebook. Got it?” Bonaccorso asked. Federyc frowned and looked at his teacher. “Bye, sir.” He softly said before hurrying home. Writing what he felt in a notebook? Not talking to Bonaccorso at the end of the day. Whatever. Sneaking in his window, he instantly collapsed on the bed.

 

After finally surviving the week, he was back at his mother’s home on Sunday night. He didn’t say anything, just went upstairs without saying a thing. He just did the thing his teacher told him to do.

 

_Sunday. Dear sir... Mister... Bonaccorso. Your name is Luca, right? I’m just gonna call you Luca here. I’m back at my mother’s house after my father nearly dislocated my shoulder. I couldn’t even talk to my mother! I have no idea why. As if my tongue was cut out. I just ran upstairs. It’s really hard to write about my feelings when I don’t know what I feel. Luca, how do you do it? I have short ass entries for the other days. I feel... Anxious? Paranoid probably as well. But I can’t tell my mother. She’d be so worried about me! I can’t tell her how I really feel. My father doesn’t care. You do, I think. God, I am not sure. Do you care? I don’t think I even care. For all I care, I could just... Get hit by car and die and no one would care. Probably. That’s how I feel. I feel like no one cares about me. No one loves me. I could die and no one would care. I guess. I guess that’s how I really feel._

Federyc closed his notebook and groaned, throwing it against the wall. Why would he show this to Luca, no, Bonaccorso, at all! He didn’t care, no one did!

                Federyc slowly went into Bonaccorso’s classroom. He wasn’t there. It was just completely empty. Federyc sighed and put the notebook on his table. He totally forgot to hand in it on Saturday. The door closed, making Federyc jump a little. “You didn’t hand it in on Saturday.” Bonaccorso said. “I forgot but... I have it now. And you could... Read it now. No, just read Sunday. Sunday is the best day.” Federyc said, handing the notebook to his teacher. Bonaccorso took it and turned to the ‘Sunday’ page. Bonaccorso gave a hum. “Luca? You know it’s not really... Professional to call a teacher by his or her first name.” The teacher said. Federyc rolled his eyes. “Just in the notebook, sir! I won’t call you Luca in school or anything. You’re just, sir. You’re uhm... Bonaccorso. You’re... A teacher. Not a friend or anything. Not... Luca. That’s only in the notebook.” Federyc quickly said, sitting on a chair. Bonaccorso started to laugh. A light-hearted laugh, that made Federyc give a little awkward laugh as well. “You’re adorable, Federyc. But it does bother me that you think this way. Of course people love and care about you.” Bonaccorso said, turning serious again. “It’s nice how you write it down. But don’t worry. People love you.” He said. Federyc shook his head. “I wish! My mother is like... She treats me like a baby. My father beats me up. You’re my therapist.” Federyc said. Bonaccorso shook his head. “Is that how you think about it? Really? By the way, you wrote it down in French. Write Italian.” He said with a little grin. Federyc slammed his head on the table. “Nooooo, no Italian! Stupid language!! Did you know French is the language of love? C’mon Luc--- Sir! Bonaccorso! Teacher. Not Luca. Hah... That would be weird if I called you Luca, right? Luca, Luca, Luca!” Federyc started to laugh. Luca laughed and shook his head. “You can call me Luca. In private.” He said. Federyc looked up and smiled. “I’d like that. In private, of course. No... Other times.” Federyc said, giving a grin and shaking his head. Luca nodded. “Private! Now go home, your mother must be waiting.” He said. Federyc nodded. “Yeah. See you... When?” Federyc asked. “Tomorrow, during class.” Luca said with a wink. “T-Tomorrow! Yeah. I will see you, tomorrow! Bye uhm... Luca, sir, Bonaccorso!” Federyc said before running out. The one friend he had in school was his history teacher. Maybe this year would be a little fun.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Take a deep breath, and name 5 things you like about yourself.” Luca said, pacing around and finally standing still, looking at Federyc. “I can’t. I... Don’t like anything about myself. I’m dull and boring and lazy.” Federyc whined, standing up and standing in front of Luca. “No! Wrong, wrong, wrong. Things you like, not hate.” Luca said, sitting down and rubbing his face. “Federyc, please!” He nearly begged. Federyc paced around, thinking. Did he like anything about himself. “I can... Actually do homework. I’m... Pretty smart. Not pretty, just smart.” Federyc rubbed his face and looked at Luca. The older sighed and nodded. “That’s fine. That’s enough. Did you do as I said?” He asked. “I… I didn’t. My mother is constantly monetising me. I can’t go out or to a doctor without her knowing. I can’t do shit, Luca.” Federyc told his teacher, sitting down again. Before Luca could say anything, Federyc got up and walked away. Once he got home, he got held back before he could run upstairs. “ _Mon chéri._ ” His mother said, leading him to the dinner table and sitting him down. There they sat for at least half an hour, listening to the radio on the other side of the room. The whole kitchen was clean. His mother really had... A lot of time. Federyc cleared his throat. “Mom I...” He started. Amée shook his head. “Do you have a girlfriend?” She asked. Federyc choked on air, laughing softly. Girlfriend? No, he was having talks to his history teacher since that was the only person he could trust and talk to that wouldn’t treat him like a baby or wouldn’t listen. “Yeah! I have a girlfriend. Sorry for not telling you. But she’s a real sweetie! She talks a lot and listens to me and I like her very much. But she doesn’t want to come over. Her name is Lucy!” He quickly said. His mother looked confused but smiled. “I hope she makes you happy. Since you’ve been a little down lately.” She said. Federyc smiled, nodded and rushed upstairs. Stupid. He wanted to forget it. He wrote it down on a note, so he could talk about it to Luca the next day. No, wait. Luca wouldn’t be there. He had to go to this thing out of town. No Luca on school.

 

Federyc stood in front of the closed classroom door. Fuck. No Luca today either. It had been three days! Was the teacher sick? He didn’t know. Nearly in tears, Federyc returned home. “Mother... I’m home...” He announced. Amée got up and pulled Federyc into the living room. “Good! I wanted to talk a bit. Sunday there will be some guests over. Amadore and his nephew. For a dinner.” She said. Federyc gave a small nod. He didn’t want guests over. He knew Amadore since he was little. A fun guy. His mother’s friend. But he didn’t want him over. As soon as he tried to get up and leave, Amée pulled him down again. “Why don’t you do homework downstairs for a change?” She asked. Federyc sighed and sat down at the table, opening his math workbook and staring at it. Even math was difficult. He didn’t understand a thing. Numbers were just floating. Federyc’s eyes drifted to the knives. Would anyone really care? No, wrong mind set. What did Luca always say? Think about 5 good things. “I am... Good at math. I am smart.” Damn it, after two things he didn’t know anymore. But he had to keep hanging onto those things he knew. Good at math and smart. Good at math and smart. Federyc closed his books and walked upstairs. Slowly, loudly, so his mother would hear. “Taking a shower!” He yelled before walking into the bathroom. He locked the door, let the shower run and looked around. A knife. A knife of some sort. Federyc found the razorblades and cursed. He sat on the ground and carefully pried one razorblade out of it. “That should be sharp enough.” Federyc whispered. What arm... Left. He was right handed. He hesitated a little, pressing the blade against his arm. He closed his eyes and pulled the blade towards him. Federyc cursed, screamed and covered the wound. He looked at it after a good few minutes. It was so deep, and bleeding heavily. It stung but didn’t hurt like a normal papercut would. It actually felt pretty nice. He stared at the blood drip on the ground. Next time maybe not as deep. Or maybe not a razorblade to start with. Scissors? Sharp ones? Yes. Federyc cursed again and started to scrub the blood off the floor. He didn’t bother putting something around it. He undressed, took place under the shower and sighed. He washed his hair, washed his body and made sure that, with the shower water, that the wound stopped bleeding. Now he could properly examine it. It was so deep, and weird. Federyc shook his head and dried himself, going to his bedroom and dressing up. Long sleeves so his mother would see. He walked downstairs again and sat at the table. Now with his head cleared up a little, he went to homework again. Maybe now he could finally do it.

 

At the end of Saturday, after getting home, Federyc felt horrible. Tomorrow guests coming over. Today still no god damn Luca. He needed his therapist for once! He would beg, go to Luca’s house he just needed someone to talk to! “Home!” He yelled out before rushing upstairs. After not getting a response, Federyc walked downstairs again. He grabbed the note on the table and sighed. Groceries. Couldn’t she get them before he came home? He needed a hug. Federyc went upstairs with a heavy heart, doing his homework for a little while until he couldn’t keep up with his own thoughts. He couldn’t write his feelings down, he couldn’t even name one thing he liked about himself. He went through his entire room and finally found a pair of sharp scissors and stared at them for a good full minute before lifting his sleeve up and closing his eyes. No thinking. When he opened his eyes again there were at least 4 new cuts on his arm, bleeding a little. Federyc quickly put his sleeve down and curled up on the bed. For the first time in his life, Federyc decided to take a nap instead of work on his school work. He didn’t even get woken up for dinner and woke up around noon on Sunday. He dressed up and walked downstairs, instantly being dragged into the room by his mother. “Here he is!” She said to her guests. Federyc rubbed his eyes and looked at the guests. Amadore and... Luca! Was Luca the nephew of Amadore? “Luca?” He softly asked. “Hey Federyc. Sorry for not being at school the last few days, I was sick.” Luca said. Amée frowned a little. “I’m his history teacher.” Luca quickly said. Federyc nodded and sat at the kitchen table, a bit away from everyone. Luca slowly sat next to him. “How was your week?” He whispered. “How was my week? It was horrible!! I hated it. You weren’t there, I couldn’t talk to anyone. I lied that I had a girlfriend. I... I did something bad, Luca. I did something really bad.” Federyc muttered. Luca frowned and gently rubbed Federyc’s back. “What did you do, Federyc?” Luca asked softly. Federyc rolled his sleeve up and showed the cuts. Luca quickly covered them and looked nearly mad. “Federyc what the hell?! Why did you do that? You went even further down. You know I have an email. You could’ve emailed me!” Luca said in a hushed voice. “Luca, I… I felt so horrible. I didn’t know I... I couldn’t think rationally.” Federyc stuttered out. “Maybe you should get some actual help, Federyc. I can’t take care of you on my own.” Luca said. Federyc rapidly shook his head. “No, please, I don’t want a creepy therapist I don’t know. I’m not sick or diagnosed with depression or anything. I just want you as a therapist, Luca. Please.” Federyc slowly got up. Luca smiled and shook his head a little. “Okay. If you cooperate with me.” Luca held up his pink. Federyc took a deep breath. “Fine.” He muttered, locking his own pink with Luca’s and smiling. A pinky-promise. He had the do what Luca said now.

                Federyc played a little with his food, not really having the appetite to eat anything. He sighed and took a small bite when he noticed 6 eyes staring at him. Amée smiled and kept talking to Amadore and Luca about everything. Until the subject fell on Federyc. “We moved here when he was 5 years old. Me and my ex-husband divorced two years later. But Federyc has been doing fine integrating in Italian society. But after his friends left to go to different schools, Federyc has been rather lonely. He did say he had a girlfriend. Her name is Lucy.” Amée said. Federyc frowned and shook his head. “Mom… Shut up. Shut up please.” He begged. Luca looked over at Federyc and gave a small smile. Federyc got up and put his plate in the kitchen. “I’m tired. Shouldn’t I go to dad?” He asked. Amée shook her head. “No, you’re staying another week with me. Dad is out of town.” She told Federyc. Federyc gave a nod and went upstairs. Why did his mother tell him that? He knew, he just knew by Luca’s smile, that Luca knew that Federyc meant that Lucy was Luca. And the girlfriend was their cover up for the therapy sessions they had. Federyc properly hated himself right now. Would Luca think he was weird? Probably. He would just ignore what happened. Cooperate with whatever his teacher said. Just a teacher, nothing more and nothing less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I've posted my pre-written chapters, I'll probably be posting a new chapter every Sunday, but because I am busy I can't promise


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